Intensive Care

More Poetry and Prose by Nurses
edited by Cortney Davis and Judy Schaefer

This was among a box of books my sister once gave to me (she's a nurse). It's a collection of poetry, short stories and a few essays written from personal experiences. (There's a prior volume called Between the Heartbeats). As I'm not terribly keen on poetry, and the book has more than twenty authors, this was a rather uneven read for me. Some pieces just didn't speak to me at all, or were difficult for me to connect to. Others were downright disturbing, or very very sad. Especially of innocent people suffering, stricken by illness or worse injured by outright cruelty. The stories and poems span a wide range of nursing experiences- from students practicing their technique to men or women years into the job, or others looking back after a long career. There are nurses in the usual hospital setting I would expect, but also many stories from remote areas in poor countries, from refugee camps, from the front lines in battle zones. There are stories of frustration and burnout, of exhaustion and misunderstandings. And also those of tenderness, of compassion and deep caring. Quite a few tell of a particular patient or experience that had a profound impact on an individual nurse. I skimmed over a few, puzzled over others, but found many resonating with sensitivity or tense with discomfort, letting me glimpse what it's like to do such work.

Several that really struck me: "The Color of Blood" by Victoria May Collett- how a scrub nurse experiences working alongside a renowned heart surgeon- the thrill and stress and strain. "Water Story" a poem by Cortney Davis. "We Do Abortions Here" by Sallie Tisdale- the subject is exactly that. And these lines from "What Nurses Do: the Marriage of Suffering and Healing":  The rhythm of a heart repeats itself like vows / in a chapel full of light, but we are gathered / here because this man's heart choked after forty years /  . . . and now something as old as love / must be the pencil that helps the heart write / its good-byes across our screen.

Rating: 3/5                           269 pages, 2003

Finding My Distance

A Year in the Life of a Three-Day Event Rider
by Julia Wendell

Daily journal of a horsewoman, she and her husband owned a farm in Maryland. There are racehorses, and retired racehorses turned to show jumping or breeding, but her main focus is three-day eventing which entails dressage, steeplechase and show jumping. Seems a very demanding sport for one horse to learn but I gather that's the point- it requires skill, finesse, endurance and guts. Some of the jumps are set up specifically to test how brave a horse (and rider) can be. The author tells about her daily challenges and struggles, not only with the horses, their training and constant upkeep- especially dealing with injuries, wow the legs seem to need a lot of attention- but also with her family, her grown children (one newly off to college and the other travelling India), her poetry-readings (she includes some of the poems in this book), and just life in general. Coming to the sport late, in middle age, she relates the learning curve, working with different instructors, trying to build up her confidence, and all the hard choices that come with keeping and showing horses. It's always one thing after another and there's lots of discouragement but her passion for it blazes through. It's rather strange to read a book written so intimately about a world so different from my own- and yet with striking familiarity- I live the next state over and know the locality. I've even driven on the road past Morven Park- but without any reason to ever go in. I like reading about it for the glimpse of it all- but I bet this book would really be loved by anyone in the horse world. It feels so honest and real.

I found there's a sequel, Come to the X, which I'd also like to read- particularly I want to know what happened with several of the author's horses and how her progression went in the sport. You can read a sample of her writing style here.

Rating: 3/5              399 pages, 2009

Betrayers

Poems on self-love and spiritual blackmail, vol 5
by Angie Outis

I didn't realize there was a fifth book out in this poetry series, until it came into my hands. It wraps up the story of what the author went through leaving her husband and filing for divorce. Seeking family help, which wasn't there. Finding cold shoulders and blame, instead of helping hands. Telling the kids, fielding their tears and confusion. Desperately packing the car and moving out when her spouse wasn't home. Scrambling for options. Mourning loss, recovering from fear. Her children gradually realizing what it all meant, expressing some of their own fears. Her awkwardness around men, in raw, new situation as a single woman...  And I thought when closing the book: so few pages, to hold so much pain. I hope she's in a better place now.

I received a copy of this book from the author.

Rating: 3/5         44 pages, 2018

Hollowed Out

Poems on self-life and spiritual blackmail, vol. 4
by Angie Outis

This slim volume of very personal poetry reveals the big question I had from volume 2- what was in the letter from her husband's employer? Yeah, it's frightening. Makes your stomach drop. No wonder she decided to leave her husband. These pages detail her fear and desperation under the thumb of a controlling spouse. Trying to speak out to her therapist, her parents, her friends- little help from any side. Various plans she made, the long struggle for a final break. It's hard. Hard to read it and must have been even harder to live it. I had my own troubles with an ex, but they weren't like this. If there's a fifth or sixth volume upcoming, I do hope it shows light on the other side- getting through the dark times to find something better.

I received a copy of this book from the author.

Rating: 3/5                  30 pages, 2017

Poisonous

Poems on self-love and spiritual blackmail, vol. 3
by Angie Outis

I really like the very first poem in this volume, which speaks metaphorically of her faith as a slab of meat in the fridge, of all things. Her voice is so acerbic. She writes about further disintegration of her faith, and her marriage. Of challenging behavior patterns and rules. Of questioning the status quo. Asking for help from one who was supposed to be in a role of spiritual leadership, and being shut down. Gestures of anger, striking out against sacred symbols. In the earlier volumes it wasn't as clear, but this one makes it obvious which particular belief system the author had issues with.

I should point out, these poems are for adult readers. The author isn't shy about speaking of conflicts she had with her husband, regarding intimacy. And some of the poems are quite sensual in nature. The writing is raw and eloquent, but there were a few poems I just didn't get. Something was left out, leaving me guessing as to what the title really pointed to. Or perhaps I'm just a bit dense (poetry isn't my usual genre, after all). And I wish there was more! The moment I turned the last page, I wanted to pick up the next book and keep reading.

I received a copy of this book from the author.

Rating: 4/5           22 pages, 2017

My Sin

Poems on self-love and spiritual blackmail, vol. 2
by Angie Outis

Continuing from Sorry So Sorry, the author writes about her painful awakening to something very amiss both in her marriage and in the community of her church. With the conformity and expectations to always seem pleasant and content, while her frustrations grew. Instead of being supported and encouraged, the tiny snippets shared in these poems show that she felt belittled and criticized. I try to imagine how she must have felt- the overwhelming sense is one of being stepped on. Constant reiteration that men were superior, important, women a secondary role. Her husband sparked with anger at small things that were wrong, and hid the large ones. She tried to shield her young children, tried to pretend everything was okay. Until a missive arrived from her husband's employer, which obviously held a dirty secret. I have to admit I'm really curious to read what was revealed- maybe in the next chapbook of the series she opens the paperwork. Why do we always want to know each other's pain, to know how bad the worst of it was? I think it was very brave of her to write these poems about the disintegration of her relationship, all the little things that occurred in private to bring her down.The writing felt a lot more vivid to me in this volume. I was especially struck by the poem titled "Why I Write" that personifies her fear of emotion.

I received a copy of this book from the author.

Rating: 4/5            23 pages, 2017

Sorry So Sorry

Poems on self-love and spiritual blackmail, vol. 1
by Angie Outis

These very personal poems were written by a young mother of three during the time that her marriage fell apart. They revolve around a singular incident that opened her eyes to the violent nature in her husband's personality- something I gather she had been blind to for years, or unwilling to admit/confront, because of what it would mean to their relationship... It's also about a crumbling of her faith- all the rules she'd been taught to follow, the promises that things would work out, be okay, if she lived in a certain way.

Through the verses that relate conversations between friends and close family moments, I felt like I was peeking into someone's private slice of pain. Some of the lines are so precisely descriptive in a fresh, new way. When I find poetry that speaks to me, this is especially what I like about it. Of a neighbor's stunning beauty: her smile could eclipse the sun. Of her husband's sudden, shocking violence: His profanity was a jackhammer / that splintered my reality. 

It did not quite feel complete- but there are other volumes in this poetry series, so I have a sense that more is told, the story comes full circle with further reading. I'm not sure I understood what the 'spiritual blackmail' is referred to in the subtitle- but I guess that would become clear with further reading, too. I finished it in one sitting but went back to revisit twice, it had that much of a quiet impact.

I received a copy of this book from the author.

Rating: 3/5            24 pages, 2017

The Dirt Riddles

by Michael Walsh

I don't usually read poetry, so I don't quite know what to say about this. The poems describe moments from life on a dairy farm. Much more vivid and contemplative than the last book I read. Although it doesn't really contain a narrative, and I couldn't always visualize exactly what the poet was relating, something about it made me want to go back and read the poems again. To slide into the depth between the words, to look sideways and see something more clearly. So I guess it was successful.

Rating: 3/5     74 pages, 2010

The Bird Book

edited by Richard Shaw

Simple little book, very appealing. It's a collection of short stories, poems and fables about birds, illustrated with drawings and paintings in varied styles. The authors include William Blake, Emily Dickinson, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Kenneth Grahame, Alfred Tennyson, Robert Louis Stevenson, Aesop and many others. Robins are featured prominently- I suppose because they're popular and familiar. My favorite was the old English folktale about the magpie showing the other birds how to build nests- she went through a complicated series of steps but the others did not wait to see the whole process, each leaving when they saw something they liked or recognized, and thus they all made different kind of nests.

There are several other collections of poetry and art about foxes, owls, cats and frogs compiled by the same author. I'd like to see those books too, I think I'd enjoy them.

Rating: 3/5    48 pages, 1974

The Lady's Not for Burning

by Christopher Fry

I read this one because it was mentioned by a character in Tam Lin and sparked my curiosity. I don't often read plays, it's quite a different format for me. This one was both fun and thoughtful. It's set during the witch-trial era of New England. The two main characters are a disillusioned ex-solider who wants to die - he claims to have killed two men and thus deserves to be hanged, but no one believes him. At the same time, there is a woman named Jennet accused of being a witch; the crimes stated against her are ridiculous but the townsfolk insist she is guilty. So the story is mostly a lot of talk and it all takes place in one room but in spite of that is quite interesting. The background characters never really change their stance of believing that Jennet is a witch and basically ignoring Thomas' desire for assistance to meet death. But through the conversations that occur the soldier realizes that he really does want to live and moreover he is now in love with Jennet, so together they flee the town. I liked the irony of the play, even though I had to read it rather slowly as the old-fashioned phrasing sometimes took me a moment to figure out. It's one I want to read again someday, or better yet, see performed in the theater.

Rating: 3/5     95 pages, 1948

more opinions:
Reading the End
anyone else?